“This is going to be terrible…”

Welcome back!
This here is what I’ll simply call a random thoughts blogs. It’s not about one thing, particularly, and it’s not even that good to be honest. I simply sat down and started typing and this is what I came up with.
Enjoy! Or not…

Evil_Mario

What if Bowser and Peach are just a couple lovers because Peach wants to get out from under the overbearing, likely abusive, thumb of her short and fat mustached boyfriend. This is something that I’ve thought about, in great detail, probably more detail than it deserves but still a lot of detail.
I also think to myself that it would be insane to believe that I’m the only one to think this.
Is that true?
Am I the only one that thinks Mario might actually be a violent, abusive and overbearing boyfriend?
It makes so much sense though, doesn’t it?
Think back when you played that first adventurous escapade for the NES. Let’s assume you didn’t read the short story synopsis, included in the instruction booklet. This is likely because you were a child that couldn’t give two shits why Mario did what he did. You just accepted it. You were playing as a little fat Italian plumber, lost in a world populated by side-stepping mushroom people and colour-coded smiling turtles (some of which have wings!) There were also carnivorous plants that spat fireballs and they lived in green pipes because…reasons!
Of course!
“Accept this world, little gamer!” says a man, sounding an awful lot like Alfred Pennyworth. “It’s all good! All is natural! Nobody is tripping!”
Not until you pick up the LSD infused star…
I think I’m moving away from the topic at hand.
Usually when I write something down at a fast-pace, such as I’m doing right now, I often ramble myself way off topic so I’ll do my best to reign in my digressions from this point forward.

So, as I said before, think back when Mario first descended into the mushroom kingdom.220px-Smb2ll He shows up, doesn’t even start asking question. No way! He just goes full-throttle Liam Neeson on everyone and everything.
“You seen the princess, you mushroom fuck?!”
“Greetings traveller…,” the Goomba nervously says as the angry Italian throat punches him into a stammering silence. As the poor, confused Goomba tries to waddle away, it gasps for breath. Mario quickly stomps onto its soft head, squishing it into a chunky paste.
A red shelled Koopa Troopa sees the senseless slaughter, changes direction and preys he isn’t next.

You get the idea.
Mario is a tiny little psychopath on a quest of violence. Look at how terrified the Goomba and the Koopa Troopa is. Those expressions are NOT the expressions of malicious creatures.
Bowser, on the other hand, is a large and scary looking fellow but he’s quite meek isn’t he? All you have to do is look at the way the game unfolds. Bowser’s hiding in his castle with his girlfriend, Peach, because there is quite literally a fireball throwing, size altering maniac on the loose. All of his pals are being slaughtered even though none are acting hostile toward Mario (except maybe those hammer-throwing fucks) but even they were only lobbing the hammers. They weren’t throwing them with the precision of Bullseye. It doesn’t matter though. They’re dead now. All the poor creatures of the mushroom kingdom are dead now and Mario has recaptured the princess.
That is, until he sequel and the other games!
Get the hint Mario! She doesn’t love you anymore, bro!

“Is that it, Sean? Are you done?”
“Yeah, I think that’s sufficiently stupid for one day, Sean.”

sorry 01

I apologize for the shortness of this blog but I honestly have been so busy in the last couple of weeks, I’m surprised I was able to write anything down in the first place. A whole bunch of remarkably, wondrously, stupendously, exciting things have happened to me this week and I’m very happy but also quite busy.
I’ve been having some good success on Vero, gaining a decent sized following and I’ve also been verified! That’s pretty cool. What’s even better than that though is that Vero is a more encouraging social media app to seek out new friends, when comparing to other platforms like Facebook and Instagram. I’ve made a handful of new friends and they’re really awesome people. We all encourage one another and talk about the things that interest us, and we have fun. It’s great.
Another fantastic thing is that I’ve been getting steady publication on a really fun horror movie website (something I’m truly happy about) and it’s helping me perfect my writing, meet deadlines, and also encourage new ideas and interests.
So, in closing, I would just like to say to anyone out there this little piece:
You might decide to do something with your life that other people around you might see as an act in frivolity and foolishness. For instance, I chose journalism which is not particularly easy to get into and it doesn’t even pay that well, but it’s something I want! That’s what matters. Sometimes it will feel like a struggle and a half and you might even start to second-guess yourself. Don’t give up though. The best things in life are not easily attained because if they were, then everyone would have the best things! As long as you are happy in whatever you choose to do, go for it! Make the best of it!
I suppose that’s it for now and I promise that next week’s blog will not be a life-lesson type of blog. I’m not a fan and I’m kind of annoyed that I did one here.
.

If you’ve made it this far, congratulations!
But the princess is in another castle.

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13 Random Crystal Lake Stuffs

Greetings bloggy enthusiasts! Here is a special Friday the 13th Bonus blog today. I tried to have it published elsewhere but that fell through so I decided to share it here. Enjoy this list of 13 random things from the Friday the 13th series that I chose to…list…yah!

 

#1: Bye, bye Alice.

alice

The beginning of Friday the 13th Part 2 expresses a clear, albeit shocking message: no one is safe. As we, the audience, catch up with Alice years after her harrowing escape from Pamela Voorhees’ rampage from the first film, we see a quick glimpse of her modest life and what she’s been up to, but that’s pretty much it. We are re-introduced to the hero of Friday the 13th just long enough to say our goodbyes. Jason pops up like a ghost, almost immediately, and then promptly kills Alice, kicking off the sequel’s sizeable body count.

#2: Is that David Cronenberg?
Jason X takes the intergalactic cake for being the most ludicrous in the series. There’s a whole bunch of reasons for this. It could be due to the laughable dialogue, ridiculous acting and the implementation of Uber Jason. Don’t get me wrong. Jason X is still fun to watch but its not particularly good, when compared to Jason’s other outings. There are some saving moments though. One of those moments comes early in the film. Jason is captured by the government and some shady official wants to poke and prod the Crystal Lake madman for his unique healing ability. The reason this particular scene is so cool though…, the government guy is David freaking Cronenberg. Holy random cameo, Batman!

#3: You okay, Tommy?
There is a finality to the ending of Friday the 13th Part 4, hence the title The Final Chapter. As young Tommy Jarvis unleashes a barrage of machete chops on the de-masked Voorhees, the film slows to a crawl while Tommy repeatedly yells: “Die..! Die..! Die..!” Its one of the more brutal triumphs over Jason by a survivor, and it is dealt viciously by a kid.

#4: Ka-boom!

jasonblown
There are certainly some things that slasher film sequels typically do not do, in order to create a truly great sequel. Killing off the main big bad guy, right at the start of the movie, is one of these obvious rules that Jason Goes to Hell seems to suffer greatly for. Although the effects looked great, the fact that Jason was blown to smithereens like a dynamite packed Graboid, right at the start of the film made this film one of the more lackluster outings for the Crystal Lake killer.

#5: “I’m Mrs. Voorhees.”
Possibly the biggest difference between the Friday the 13th movies and other slashers from that time, is that the infamous killer of the series, Jason, isn’t even the original killer! That honor goes to Jason’s mother, Pamela Voorhees. Throughout the entirety of the first film, the audience isn’t afforded a look at the killer. We get glimpses of hands, shadow, feet and silhouettes but never a clear look at who is behind the slaughtering until she reveals herself to the last survivor, Alice. With a smile, she says quite calmly, “I’m Mrs. Voorhees.”

#6: Decoy Roy…
Friday the 13th Part V: A New Beginning is one of the entries in the series that has many fans divided, mainly because at the end of the film it is revealed that Jason isn’t actually Jason! What?! This completely flabbergasted me, the first time I saw it and I was legitimately shocked and appalled that Paramount would dare pull this kind of funny business. Looking back, however, Part V is a truly solid Friday film (even without Jason.) It’s the first of the series where Jason walks, doesn’t run. It has some of the best and most original kills. And let’s face it; the idea that Roy ultimately is enacting revenge on those that failed his son, is kind of reminiscent of Pamela Voorhees, is it not?

#7: Poor little Jason.
Jason, with all his brutality and fierce determination, is actually just a simple boy. At his core, he simply loves his mother. Sometimes, the films manage to garner sympathy from the audience when it comes to the big machete wielder and one of these times is near the end of Friday the 13th Part 8: Jason Takes Manhattan. In a storm drain, moments before an oncoming chemical flow washes him away, Jason looks at the water rushing toward him, seemingly frozen with fear. He whimpers, “Mommy…, don’t let me drown… Mommy!” It kind of tugs the ‘ole heart strings, doesn’t it?

#8: Bond…, Jason Bond.

jbond
Jason Lives is, without a doubt, the funniest of all the Friday films. Its also sort of the first one in the series to fully embrace the idea that Jason is the hero of the movie. After all, Jason is the one that people come to see. Usually audiences couldn’t care less for the ordinary folks in the slasher movies and the writer/director, Tom McLoughlin, seemed to embrace this idea by giving Jason the full-blown Bond treatment at beginning of the film.

#9: Splitting headache
Friday the 13th Part 3 is perhaps the most notable to fans for the basic fact that it is the first in the series where Jason puts on his famous hockey mask for the first time (thanks Shelley.) It also is the first to show how unstoppable Jason truly is. Jason has taken his fare share of licks as he’s disposed of weed smoking, beer drinking, and frisky fornicating campers up until this point but the first biggest hit to Jason comes in this film. Chris, the final girl, plants a hatchet into the big guy’s melon and he keeps on coming. Perhaps if Alice were alive, she’d be able to tell Chris to chop off his head.

#10: No Tommy! Bad Tommy!
The second shocking piece of business from A New Beginning comes after the death of Jason/Roy. The film is winding down and finally the tormented Tommy can rest, but does he? Hell no! In a rather shocking twist ending, Tommy dons the hockey mask and we are left thinking that he kills the other survivor of the film, Pam. This idea might have been that the evil in Jason is transmitted like a decease from person to person. This was, of course, abandoned for the rest of the series.

#11: The power of the mind.
The seventh installment in the series sees the introduction of the iconic Kane Hodder in the role of the pissed off goalie from Crystal Lake. It also marks the entry of a new and unique heroine to the series. The inclusion of a telekinetic heroine to fight off the monstrous Jason isn’t only genius, it is welcoming, fresh and entertaining to watch.

#12: Jason 2.0
How could you possibly make the unstoppable man in the hockey mask more badass? Answer: turn him into a red-eyed, half cybernetic, nano-machine infused… thing! Enter, Uber Jason!

#13: Is that Freddy?!

freddgif
The ending of Jason Goes to Hell has one of the greatest Easter egg moments in horror film history. Ever! To this day, it is still wildly unmatched in its sheer awesomeness. Jason is stabbed by his last living relative, Jessica, effectively killing him and sending him into Hell. The dust from the final battle settles and the camera moves over the ground to where his discarded mask is lying and then Freddy’s bladed glove shoots out of the ground, grabs the hockey mask and descends back into Hell. The audience is left with Freddy’s maniacal laughter and then the end credits roll. This was huge for fans but unfortunately, fans had to wait a decade before the two slasher giants went toe to toe.

 

Learning Some Bloody Patience!

I would be lying if I said that I wasn’t intimidated to write a follow-up blog post to that game-changer first post, so that’s what I’ll do. I’ll lie. In fact, maybe I’ll find a mirror to look myself in the face and do it properly.
I’m not intimidated in the slightest bit and I have no fears whatsoever that I will write these posts and put them out there into the ether of the infinite internet and a grand total of ZERO people will see them.
Not a single worry of that horrible fate!
No sir!
I am not lying to myself!
No way! So, here we go…

bloodborne

In an attempt to sound wholly original and mind-bogglingly out of this world, I chose to talk about Bloodborne and that big moment when I decided to give it a try.
I feel like it was a defining moment in my gaming life when I finally decided to bow to sadomasochistic conformity and purchase the soul-eviscerating game. The developer of the game had a reputation, as many people are aware of, for giving the public these games of notorious difficulty that caused even the strongest among us to crumble into a sad little pile of broken hopes and dreams. Up to that point, I was contented with first person shooters, some fighting games and casual platformers. Nothing too extreme.
Looking at the games that I usually played, and craving something a little different, I figured, “what do I have to lose?”
I was sucked in by the gritty feeling of dread that the first trailer spat at me from the screen of my Smartphone. The unforgiving reputation of the company behind the nightmare, From Software, circled around me like ravenous, slimy vultures just waiting for their moment to tear me to pieces.
The reason that I decided to talk about Bloodborne, and my decision to buy it, is because it changed my whole gaming experience from that day forward.
“But how could it do that?” I hear you asking.
I can’t actually hear you. Don’t worry.
It was the play-style of Bloodborne that changed so much for me. Bloodborne had a very similar play-style to that of its predecessors in the Dark Souls games. It is the “stick-and-move” tactic of fighting (which I’m still secretly hoping is implemented into rebloodruneal-life boxing matches.)
What a hysterical display of athleticism that would be!
Roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, jab (shit, missed!) Roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll…
The “stick-and-move” approach is undoubtedly the most popular and, by most accounts, the most effective in conquering the From Software games. This method is meticulous and excruciatingly slow, but it is effective. It’s also a sure-fire way to increase your heartrate to the point where you seriously fear that your heart will pound its way out of your chest and flop, wetly, down into your lap. I can confidently say that this has never happened to me.
Yet.
Side note: I drank a Red Bull while playing Bloodborne once.
ONCE!
He recalls that rather silly time when he thought he might actually die, controller in hand…
Bloodborne has now become my favourite game to play.
Still not sure if that’s really good or really bad.
I learned so many things about myself, due to this newly adopted play-style. I learned to be much more patient with myself and others, in real-life. I learned that sometimes if you wait for the right opportunity, then your patience will pay off. Patience is a virtue and Bloodborne expresses this pretty clearly.
Certain bosses, or even sometimes just grunt NPCs, should not be fought until your character is fully ready for them.
In fact, after you create your character and the opening cutscene concludes, the game begins with you in the clinic. When you move into the next room, there is a sizeable werewolf. This is one of those NPC grunts that shouldn’t be that difficult to defeat. The first time I played Bloodborne, I ran to the lumbering wolfman and started swinging away. Oh! I forgot to say, after your Hunter wakes up you don’t have a weapon. So, I started swinging away with my fists. And I completely ignored my stamina meter. The big bad wolf turned, swiped with two rapid claw attacks and I died.maxresdefault
Literally, seconds into the game and I died!
Oh! I was pissed!
This is where the game really messed with my head though because when I died, a new cutscene began, introducing the Hunter’s Dream. A weird secluded mansion, encased in fog and surrounded by gravestones. This is where the game sends you, after you are killed. You then go to one of the gravestones where you can choose to go back into game. This is what I did, after exploring the Hunter’s Dream for a bit. While I was there, I found these “messengers”, which are creepy little child-sized ghouls that give you helpful tips and they also hand you your first weapon.
Cue the Zelda item sound effect!
So now, weapon in hand, I headed back into the game.
Did I respawn, new game plan in mind, with a newly developed cautious resolve?
NOPE! All I thought was, now I’ve got a big fucking axe! Death to the wolfy-wolf!
I ran back in, typical of a FPS gamer, and I died again!
This process, I’m embarrassed to say, repeated itself again and again until I quit the game out of frustration. I didn’t play Bloodborne again for another week. Looking back on it now, I feel sorry for my dumb, overconfident and naïve self. Throwing caution to the wind like that. Ridiculous!
It wasn’t even ambitious of me, it was just plain stupid!
Anyway, after a week, I popped the disc of the game back into my PS4 and tried again. This time, I would be cautious. And I was. I defeated the werewolf, using the good ‘ole “stick-and-move” strategy and continued out the main door of the clinic and behold…
Yharnam! What a gorgeous gothic city. Ominous and looming but at the same time, extremely isolated and claustrophobic. Not since descending into the underwater metropolis of Rapture in Bioshock did I feel such amusement and wonder for a pixelated locale.
It was at this point that I realized what your rewards can be, if you are cautious and patient. The reward in Bloodborne of being afforded more access to Yharnam and the surrounding areas, previously unseen, outweighed rewards of new weapons and armour.
It’s a game that rewards your patience and your curiosity with new places and more story.
You must have certain upgrades first. There are items, weapons, and armour that cannot be purchased without first acquiring the staggering amount of Blood Echoes needed for them. The in-game currency of Bloodborne is called Blood Echoes by the by. And you earn these with kills.
I learned to enjoy the suicidal challenges of the dark and dreary world of Yharnam so much so, that when I beat Bloodborne, I was genuinely sad. I didn’t know what to do with myself. I decided that purchasing the Dark Souls games would certainly be a great decision and I also decided that Nioh would be a good choice too, based on what I’ve heard of that one.
I also remember making a promise to myself that every game I played afterward needed to be set to HARD difficulty, or it simply wouldn’t be fun.
Now that I think about it, I’m pretty sure Bloodborne broke me, which is a super creepy thought because that means that a corpse is writing this blog. Fortunately, no one is reading it.

Let’s Begin…

There is a whole load of scrambled ideas rolling around in my head at the moment, like the balls in one of those circular cage contraptions that’s spinning out of control in a non-descript bingo hall.
Hyperbole of course, he thinks to himself as he seriously considers deleting the first line. He shakes his doubt away and continues…
If there were actual bits rolling around, I would either be on a rapid decline to my inevitable death or perhaps I’d be an action figure that has suddenly become self-aware, with little flecks of dirt loosely tumbling about in my hollow plastic cranium.
He is clueless on how to continue…
It has been almost two weeks since I said to myself, “I’m going to start a blog.” I have yet to start a blog because I simply don’t know what to say. In that time, I read through other blogs (some were really fantastic and others were utter garbage) as a means to get an understanding of what a blog should be. The conclusion that I came to: a blog can be anything!
He feels rejuvenated but only for a brief time…
The more I thought about the infinite possibilities of what I could write about, the more I sank deeper and deeper into a corner of my brain with the weight of those ideas getting heavier and heavier around me. I started to second-guess myself and tell myself that nothing I could say would be read anyway because look at how many blogs, books, songs, poems and speeches already existed. All the originality! All the influential words of wisdom and humour! All the stories!
“I’m just a needle in a haystack!” How the hell will anyone see what I have to say. And why do I feel like they should see it!?
He sips some cold black coffee and reads over what he’s written so far. Completely unsatisfied, he continues…
Even though these seeds of doubt and these questions whizzed through my brain at a billion miles per hour, I still tried to force myself to focus. I even went so far as to say, “everyone goes through this”, as an attempt to calm my stressed-out brain. “Even Neo fell, the first time!”
So I focused, and I’m still struggling to focus, even now.
He wonders what interests him and what he should say. Rambling like this can only go for so long…
The obvious interests that spring to mind are video games and comic books and so many movies. So there are three things right there that I can try and focus my overwhelmed, self-doubting mind onto.
So that is what I will do. I will talk, mostly, about those things and how they interest me, how they have influenced me, how they excite and entice me. Some of these movies, books, and games have even taught me some lessons and I think I’ll talk about those lessons in future blogs.
Excited about finishing this pitiful excuse of an introduction, he finishes with a conclusion…
To any lone web-wanderer that might stumble onto this post of scrambled thoughts and erratic musings, please send me an e-mail, a DM, a tweet, a friend request on Vero or Instagram or Twitter. If you like horror, 1980s cheesy entertainment, video games (new and old), or comic books, then please let’s chat. You may be one that lives in your head, like I do, and that’s okay too. Let’s talk. I always enjoy finding like-minded geeks, freaks, and nerds and I know there are plenty out there. Let’s talk. We can talk about the things we love, the things that drive us and the things we’d like to see more of on the interwebs.
Let’s begin!